Life, Liberty and Justice for Prawns
by Rob Cummins
It
occurs that jobs are like busses. There's no damn fun in them, but
you sometimes have to use them to get yourself where it is that
you want to go. Sometimes you find that you've gotten off one in
the wrong place and are stranded in a desolate area you don't want
to be in. You have to wait too damn long for the next one, and then
five come along at the same time. The person in charge is some kind
of antisocial nutbag. You never have the right money. They take
up too much of your time. And you always seem to end up sitting
next to someone who smells funny.
Pointless barroom philosophising? No way, hepcats, like Madonna's bra there's a point or two here. Yes my little squids and octopi, the reason that I've gone a little Elvis on y'all is because I lost my job. I looked down the back of the sofa for it, but IT JUST WASN'T THERE. Hence no internet access.
So what happened is this. For those of you have forgottened since the last dramatic episode, I was working for a recruitment company. Not fun, but paying the bills. So then one week, an Australian guy comes in and registers with us looking for work. His name is Matthew Stevens. Later on in the same week, another Australian comes in to register. His name is Matthew Stevens. Two guys, both Aussies, same exact name. Well, I fought of the impulse for about five seconds, then put them on the same job together. WELL OF COURSE I DID.
You don't get many chances like that in life, you gotta grab every single one of them. It was like a sign from God. Anyway, what would you have done ? Oh yeah ? Well ... that would've been smarter. But what I did was put them on the same job, expecting Three-Stooges-esque hilarity to ensue. What ensues is absolute chaos in every level of our business, and with the client I sent them to. Timesheets, payroll, tax forms, etc. etc. etc. You name it, it got screwed up. I was asked to explain to the top level of management why I had done such a thing. It was pretty hard to think up a legitemate excuse other than, "I thought it would be funny when something like this happened." So hard in fact, that it couldn't be done and I got fired.
I regret nothing.